Posted on Dec 15, 2018

Recently, we often hear and talk about a toxic relationship. Such a relationship makes us feel miserable, insignificant, and literally poison our lives. And the only exit is to break it off.

Here are the main signs of a toxic relationship. Several of them you may seem far-fetched. But they still should not be ignored. Especially, at the beginning of a relationship.

toxic relations

1. You immediately think that you have found the love of all life.

After meeting with the person who turned your head, try to cool yourself. Between meetings, take a break for a couple of days, try to be alone for a while, switch to an activity that will completely distract you from thoughts about this person.

2. You are too idealizing your partner.

At the beginning of the relationship listen more than speak and listen carefully. If a person throws the phrase “You will have though time with me”, – it will be so. If a person mentions, even casually or in the form of a joke, that likes to drink or has some other bad habits and problems, do not miss it.

3. You cannot say “No”.

Test your ability to say “No” to your partner. Do not hesitate to refuse invitations to events, that aren’t interesting to you, or inappropriate requests.

4. You neglect friends to please your partner.

Keep relationships with your old friends. Even try to acquaint your partner with your friends as soon as possible. They may notice something that you blunder away, and keep you from a toxic relationship.

5. You abandoned your hobbies.

Do not give up your favorite activities. With a new love relationship, your life should become richer, not poorer.  Do not make your lover the center of the Universe; don’t let your happiness, well-being, and mood stand upon him/her.

6. You close your eyes to the alarm signals.

Listen to your feelings, doubts, and suspicions. If something in the behavior of your partner is disturbing you, do not hesitate to tell about it immediately, and find out everything.

7. You unconditionally trust partner’s opinion.

If you suddenly realize that you are doing something that you would never have done before, just because your partner likes it, this is a reason to think.

Replacing your beliefs with your partner’s ones means that you have already lost a significant part of yourself.

8. You are wildly jealous.

Fear of loneliness or past betrayals should not poison the present relationship. Are there reasons for jealousy in reality or only in your imagination? You risk losing a partner not because of someone else, but because of you.

9. You feel unbearable when a partner is far from you.

Don’t live alone with love dreams; remember the daily affairs and duties that you have abandoned. Leave private space to your partner; don’t try to know about him/her absolutely everything.

10. You justify the ugly behavior of your lover.

It is worth paying attention not only to how he or she behaves with you (we all first try to show ourselves before a potential partner from the best side) but also how partner communicates with others.

11. Passive aggression.

Anger doesn’t disappear, it transforms into other ugly forms. People with passive-aggressive behavior never say bluntly about troubles or bothering things.

12. Criticism.

If you are constantly bullied and pointed to your every miss – this is already an unhealthy relationship. If somebody makes you feel useless it’s too unhealthy. If your partner is constantly annoyed with something in your behavior then it’s not about you.

13. Disputes for the sake of disputes.

Everybody argues. But a dispute can be constructive when you exchange thoughts or discuss the scandal, and destructive – shouting for the sake of shouting, no discussion, no result. The second option is a sure sign of toxic relationship.

14. Feeling of instability.

A healthy relationship is a simple relationship; you are together because you love each other and are sure that none of you will run away on the first danger.

15. You are always alone with your problems.

Is your partner with you only when it’s comfortable? And do you stay alone with your difficulties? It is a toxic relationship because at normal one partners always support each other.

16. You are unhappy.

If you are happy in a relationship – it means everything is okay. If you are unhappy – something goes wrong. It’s not easy to leave a person, which you love. But your happiness should be in the first place.

17. Unequal relationship.

If you go all out and your partner only takes, but gives nothing in return – be careful. This is a bad sign.

18. Selfish partner.

Selfish persons are interested in other people only if they can be used for personal purposes. Perhaps they do the same with you.

19. Your partner is always right.

If your opinion doesn’t mean anything, but the partner always has the last word – most likely, this relationship will not lead to anything good.

20. Duplicity.

In public, you have a wonderful relationship, but at home – insults. Do not think for a long time – run!

21. Total distrust.

Toxic people always turn you against others, urging that no one can be trusted.

22. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological violence; the main task is to make a person doubt in the adequacy of his reality perception.

If your partner is constantly lying, twisting the words, trying to convince you that you’ve misunderstood something – it is precisely gaslighting.

23. Parasitism.

You work on two jobs, and he does not work or works for a penny? It looks like everything suits him. Parasitism is one of the signs of a toxic relationship.

How to check whether you live with a parasite? Tell that you quit your high-paying job and decide to develop a hobby. Look at the reaction.

24. Your partner is a brawler.

Do you try to avoid a soul mate for fear of scandal? Does he like to quarrel and look for any reasons to do this? It seems that you are in a toxic relationship with a partner.

25. You cannot discuss problems with your partner.

Are you trying to talk about family problems and the partner says that this is all your sick fantasy? Apparently, there is no harmony in your pair. In partnership, the couple has a dialogue, they are able to discuss problems and find a solution.

26. Your self-esteem slips to the bottom.

In a toxic relationship, you will always be unhappy with yourself. How could it be otherwise, if your partner constantly tells you that you are an unnecessary muddle? Every day your thoughts become darker, and your self-dislike is getting stronger.

27. No plans for a mutual future.

In partnership, the couple has plans because together they feel safe. Memories of the past and the bitterness of together years keep you in a toxic relationship.

28. Financial and physical abuse.

The partner takes the money and, in the case of a woman, terrorizes her with a lack of finances. The same story is with physical abuse. The woman has only one way out: run as soon as possible. After all, beating isn’t a sign of love!

29. No positive feelings.

In an unhealthy relationship, joy may be at the initial stage, but it never lasts long. Disturbing signs appear soon – first in an innocent joke that jars on you, and later in different bans, which are explained as caring for you.

30. Partner’s success is perceived critically – with aggression, envy, and discontent.

In a normal relationship, partners rejoice at each other’s success, but if the relationship is not healthy, then one of the signs is a reluctance to accept the success of the partner. Psychologists explain this by the desire for control.

31. Frequent mood changes.

Mood swings – from hectic fun to dramatic hysteria, from ostentatious, stifling love to anger, rage, or ostentatious indifference – is the clearest example that there is no harmony here.

32. Ignore.

Each of us has right for feedback. If a partner refuses you, it means that he uses one of the most brutal manipulations, which sociopaths especially love.

33. Total control.

Full awareness of all partner’s affairs is usually the first step towards imposing your opinion. As soon as you are required to report on your actions, thoughts, and movements, and you cannot defend your borders, this will become a serious precedent.

34. You have new diseases, you constantly feel unwell.

An unhealthy relationship is always accompanied by psychosomatic pains – for no reason you may have cystitis, gastritis, headaches or cysts.

35. Negative.

Your whole life has turned into one endless discussion of how hard life is. Your motto is “Everything is bad.

You clearly understand that the partner does not want to spend all his free time with you, but instead of interrupting the painful relationship, you constantly complain about life.

36. Betrayal.

Betrayal always destroys love, trust, and comfort in a relationship.

37. Lack of responsibility.

Each person is responsible for own actions. This rule has no exceptions. Putting the blame for your mistakes on your partner is parasitism.

38. You feel powerless.

It seems to you that you cannot change or break a relationship (although you can actually).

39. You are not interested in anything.

All you want is to make your partner change. Addiction paralyzes the rest of life. You seem to be in a stupor. You cannot concentrate on work; you lose the ability to enjoy success, a new hobby or time spent with friends.

40. You feel like a martyr.

You wait for your partner, but he does not come. Or all the time you look at the phone because he must write. It hurts you, but you are focused on your inner suffering and are able to live with this for years.

And have you ever faced up with a toxic relationship?

As for journalist, there is the only rule in my life: “Do, what you can, and always move on”. And this postulate I try to get across to readers.